The NO Phase.

Today has been one of those days when humanity is exhausting.

And AG has entered the 'NO' phase.

The combination of these things led me to letting AG play in the dog bowl for 20 minutes because I just didn't have the energy to re-direct her and she was quietly entertained and  amamajustneedsaminute sometimes.

And if you were wondering if my child ever wears clothes in our house... the answer is no.  It's our little way of keeping some Hawaii in this mainland girl.

As I watched this sweet difficult human find her voice (which now only consists of NO and DOGGIE) while playing in dirty water, I thought of today's battle with humanity.  

Today's battle: not everyone is as open, loving, and accepting as the people that I've been lucky enough to be surrounded by my entire life.

I am pushing up against situations that I have never experienced before, situations where all I want to say is:

NO (while pointing my finger) 

and YOU ARE STUPID (because I'm not very eloquent when people make me mad)

and START LOVING LIKE JESUS OR GOD IS GOING TO SMITE YOU (because sometimes I want the Old Testament God to enforce New Testament rules like loving EVERYONE)

note:  I realizing hoping for smiting is unChristian... I'm working on it.

I have been trying to reach back and find a situation in my life where someone else was unable to show inclusive love in a difficult situation.  Truth be told, I can't.  My entire life I have been immersed in communities that said:

YES

YOU ARE WORTHY

YOU ARE ONE OF US

YOUR DIFFERENCE IS BEAUTIFUL

and 

WE BELONG TO EACH OTHER

Where the hell did I grow up and go to school and work?  Points for my mom because although life has been hard, and scary, and brutal, I have never lived in a world without unconditional love.  

As an extremely overweight teenager I had friends who celebrated my gifts and supported me as I grappled with unhealthy habits.

As a daughter I was told that I was enough; grades, accomplishments, and honors were not icing on the cake, they were THINGS that did not define me. If I got them, great, if I didn't, great.  

As a wife I have been shown worth, and care, and compassion and that no matter how hard I try... Jay isn't going anywhere (divorced kid problems!)

And now, at 28 years old, I am facing situations which make me feel like a 18 month old, just learning how to be.  It's a foreign universe to me, this place where judgement is cast without considering compassion.  

Maybe I'm glad I'm being stretched.  Maybe I'm not.  I can't quite decide.

A friend told me today, "not everyone lives in the bubble of love that we do"

Well that stinks... because this bubble is pretty rad.  

So as I watched the puddle grow bigger and bigger on our kitchen floor (remember, I was thinking all this during my minute when AG was making a complete mess) I realized that smiting would never be allowed in our love bubble.  

But... more people are totally allowed.  

Those people who I'm pointing my finger at and saying NO to.  They are welcome.  They need to be shown with compassion how transformative life is when you choose love.  And that, my friends, is my challenge.  It's my call to joyfully clean up the  mess before me.  If only I could look as cute as this kid does when doing it.