It's amazing how we loose ourselves... I apparently lost Emily-the-non youth minister-self for a while. My youth ministry blog has been kept up, my text messaging with youth has been steady, but in the mean time I've begun to slowly drift away from other things I love and people that love me. Ministry can do that sometimes... then God brought me right back to reality.
I'm pregnant.
It's amazing how quickly your priorities fall into place where there is a precious gift growing inside of you. It's also amazing how weird that is but I will write about that another time.
So on December 19th, between church and our annual youth Christmas Caroling & Party I took
two
Yes... two
Pregnancy tests. They both said "hey maybe your pregnant or maybe your eye sight is going"
So a day later I went to my doctor, who bless her soul had me take another test that told us "you crazy girl... you're not pregnant" but because she believes in instinct, and heart, and listening to the small voice she said "let's take a blood test... just to be sure"
and by golly... I knew I wasn't crazy and we were pregnant.
Jay and I spent a few days with our secret, holding it tight like the delicate gift it was until we told our parents on Christmas day. They didn't see it coming, which made it even better. My mom was up at the crack of dawn to open presents with my nephews so we only had to wait until 1pm eastern time to tell them. Jay's parents had a late night and weren't up till later. It may be possible that he called them over 20 times to try to wake them up, but I'm not saying anything.
And in those moments... it became real. We will be a family of 3. Our parents are looking for names they want to be called. We are looking at names (and coming up with all the ways they can be turned into teasing in middle school). My youth know and love to tell me how weird it is. We stop in the baby section on Target instead of just the 'useless crap' section. And we are getting our first ultrasound on Monday to see this little thing.
And that is crazy, and grounding, and real like nothing I have ever experienced.
And no matter how distracted, and flighty, and disconnected I can feel at times... each morning I wake and my hand goes directly to my belly and I know that nothing has ever been this good. Ever.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Is it mission trip time yet???
What is this amazing dance you may ask? well... it's CLOGGING!!!
Never in my life did I think that clogging would be a re-curring recreation for me but in the past year it just keeps coming up. Last May at Montreat I was blessed to experience old Bluegrass music with amazing youth ministers and a swarm of cloggers.
Today I got an email from our site co-ordinator for mission trip. Want to guess what our first evening activity is?... that's right... CLOGGING. The group above is the group that will teach us this summer. Clogging is quickly moving to the top of my list of reasons I love Appalachia. I think this will soar to the #1 spot after spending an evening with my youth clogging. I do plan on selling copies of pictures of me clogging at 7 months pregnant to start our child's college fund.
The fact that I get more excited everyday for the mission trip is not a good sign for me since it is 3.5 months away but... is it time yet????? I want to be clogging!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
The Rutledges hold their breath for rain. Jay and I love nothing more than a day when the bottoms of your jeans are soaked and coffee warms your hands. We both fell in love with rain at different times. Jay spent his favorite childhood years living in Sedro-Woolley, WA, a small Pacific Northwest town where he rode his bike everywhere, mowed lawns to make big money, and explored the Cascade Mountains with his Dad. I went to college in Spokane, WA, the booming metropolis of Eastern Washington. This is where I fell in love with two things: rain and coffee, both still have me hooked.
Now, don't get me wrong, C'ville has some great coffee, but Washingtonians know how to 'do coffee'. By my senior year of college I had gotten the hang of it. I had a coffee date about everyday. Study coffee dates, girl-friend gossip coffee dates, coffee dates with my priest, coffee dates with the youth minister I worked with, and lots and lots of coffee dates that were supposed to be about learning but ended being about friendship. They always began the same way, peeling off layers of damp jackets and scarves, a warm hug, and a coffee. The coffee drinking was never rushed, it was always out of a real mug with a saucer, held with two hands and often, silence would set in and we would find ourselves starring out a picture window as the rain streamed down outside. Doing coffee is something I somehow lost along the way but today reminded me that I need to find it again. That time when you don't need to hurry out, when you can sit with someone in silence, and when all you need fits in a heavy ceramic mug.
I hope you get some time today to sit in silence, to enjoy the blessings God is giving us in this rain, and be still.
Now, don't get me wrong, C'ville has some great coffee, but Washingtonians know how to 'do coffee'. By my senior year of college I had gotten the hang of it. I had a coffee date about everyday. Study coffee dates, girl-friend gossip coffee dates, coffee dates with my priest, coffee dates with the youth minister I worked with, and lots and lots of coffee dates that were supposed to be about learning but ended being about friendship. They always began the same way, peeling off layers of damp jackets and scarves, a warm hug, and a coffee. The coffee drinking was never rushed, it was always out of a real mug with a saucer, held with two hands and often, silence would set in and we would find ourselves starring out a picture window as the rain streamed down outside. Doing coffee is something I somehow lost along the way but today reminded me that I need to find it again. That time when you don't need to hurry out, when you can sit with someone in silence, and when all you need fits in a heavy ceramic mug.
I hope you get some time today to sit in silence, to enjoy the blessings God is giving us in this rain, and be still.
in the whale...
Being Still...
I am reading and re-reading an amazing book, Contemplative Youth Ministry: Practicing the Pressence of Jesus written by Mark Yaconelli. His words constantly remind me of why my heart was called to ministry. I have read this paragraph in his book a million times but each time my heart says amen, Amen, AMEN!
"When we allow ourselves to be open and receptive to God's love and presence, we begin to notice that God is alive and available. We begin to preceive that the Holy Spirit is present and working beneath the worry and activities of our ministries. It may even occur to us that God has been present to our young people long before they met us-before they were even born. When we stop to receive God's life and love, we begin to understand that the Holy Spirit has been seeking out our young people with greater passion and desire than we could ever work up. That's when it becomes clear that our ministry is really not about us. We notice a sense of relief that we're not the center of our ministry. We discover newfound energy as it dawns on us that our role in youth ministry is not to "make something happen!" Our task is to simply rest in wonder at what God is doing, and then lend a hand as we're needed." (Yaconelli 76)
I am reading and re-reading an amazing book, Contemplative Youth Ministry: Practicing the Pressence of Jesus written by Mark Yaconelli. His words constantly remind me of why my heart was called to ministry. I have read this paragraph in his book a million times but each time my heart says amen, Amen, AMEN!
"When we allow ourselves to be open and receptive to God's love and presence, we begin to notice that God is alive and available. We begin to preceive that the Holy Spirit is present and working beneath the worry and activities of our ministries. It may even occur to us that God has been present to our young people long before they met us-before they were even born. When we stop to receive God's life and love, we begin to understand that the Holy Spirit has been seeking out our young people with greater passion and desire than we could ever work up. That's when it becomes clear that our ministry is really not about us. We notice a sense of relief that we're not the center of our ministry. We discover newfound energy as it dawns on us that our role in youth ministry is not to "make something happen!" Our task is to simply rest in wonder at what God is doing, and then lend a hand as we're needed." (Yaconelli 76)
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