It seems impossible to me that it has been four years since your sunrise arrival. It also seems impossible to me that there was life before you. Your dad and I know that we squandered that time. We will talk all about that someday if you want children.
Let's just say we never appreciated the silence or free time or lack of picking up other people's crap-- both figuratively and literally.
This past year has been big for you. You changed from a toddler to a kid. You've become a person. You have ideas and opinions and make decisions.
And my oh my have you found your voice.
We were warned that three was different (read:difficult) but we were not quite sure why. It seems like the root of it is that at age three, you become an individual. This year you, Aubrey Grace Rutledge, became yourself. A loyal and protective sister, a lover of animals, an empathetic friend, and a hilarious human.
You love your brother with a fire I didn't know possible. Each morning you insist that you wake him up, often by crawling into his crib. You comfort him, much to our dismay, when we discipline him and he cries telling him that 'it will be okay' (and basically that you understand that you both have crazy parents and will deal with us together). You think he is the best playmate around. The other day you two were playing 'backpack'. I am not at all sure of the rules of the game but it unfolded as the two of you crawling on the floor on top of each other till one or both of you were in tears. Repeat.
Each night after dinner grace you love to end us with a grace that you've taken from a rhyme you say at school before you eat. Normally it goes: We love our bread, we love our butter, but most of all... we love each other. Last week you ended it with ...but most of all I love my brother.
You two were made for each other.
When I pick you both up from school, Deac often runs straight into your arms. Your love for each other is the deepest comfort I have in life. I know that no matter what life hands us... you two have each other.
And your heart...
I'm so sorry that you inherited mine. We feel it all, don't we? You love my dog so much she has become your dog. Everything breaks our hearts open. We feel the whole world's pain and joy. You have started singing the things you see (the world is our musical stage)-- It's scary for mama to see herself in you sometimes because I know how this big world can eat up sensitive people like us. But, I also know that we must must stay soft because the world needs more soft.
There is so much ahead of us, my girl. With a Tutu with Alzheimer's and a mama that feels it all and everything that we've walked through as a family this year-- this road ahead is bound to be winding and hard and full of joy and pain. But this year one thing has happened, you have become you and we have become more of a family than I ever knew we could be. And we are a family because of you. That morning, four years ago, when the sun rose and you were born-- our lives filled with a light that shines even in my darkest times. You are my partner in crime and cookies-- you not only look exactly like me, you are my heart walking around in this world. I am so proud of who you are.
You are my sunshine.
I love you... more.
Each night after dinner grace you love to end us with a grace that you've taken from a rhyme you say at school before you eat. Normally it goes: We love our bread, we love our butter, but most of all... we love each other. Last week you ended it with ...but most of all I love my brother.
You two were made for each other.
When I pick you both up from school, Deac often runs straight into your arms. Your love for each other is the deepest comfort I have in life. I know that no matter what life hands us... you two have each other.
And your heart...
I'm so sorry that you inherited mine. We feel it all, don't we? You love my dog so much she has become your dog. Everything breaks our hearts open. We feel the whole world's pain and joy. You have started singing the things you see (the world is our musical stage)-- It's scary for mama to see herself in you sometimes because I know how this big world can eat up sensitive people like us. But, I also know that we must must stay soft because the world needs more soft.
There is so much ahead of us, my girl. With a Tutu with Alzheimer's and a mama that feels it all and everything that we've walked through as a family this year-- this road ahead is bound to be winding and hard and full of joy and pain. But this year one thing has happened, you have become you and we have become more of a family than I ever knew we could be. And we are a family because of you. That morning, four years ago, when the sun rose and you were born-- our lives filled with a light that shines even in my darkest times. You are my partner in crime and cookies-- you not only look exactly like me, you are my heart walking around in this world. I am so proud of who you are.You are my sunshine.
I love you... more.
