So this year for Lent I'm giving up Facebook.
Jay still finds this hard to believe.
Today as I logged on for the 10th time, I found it hard to believe.
Why am I so obsessed with this social-network monster. Because it make me feel connected, let's me know all the little things that are really none of my buisness, and totally buys into my voyeristic ways. But it also brings right to my face one of those deadly sins that eats at me.
Envy.
Every one's life looks so perfect through the lens of facebook. Cute babies. Beautiful houses. Successful friends. Things I feel that I DON'T HAVE. I have always been the jealous type. I am the youngest. Youngest sibling, youngest cousin, youngest friend. Jealousy is part of my makeup. Facebook magnifies it. And I don't like that Emily.
I have had the fb since college. But when I was teaching, and paddling, and getting ready to be married, and paddling, and paddling some more (it was the season on Mike Smith and 5 day a week practices) I didn't touch the thing. And it was blocked from the DOE computers, so that helped. But lately I have used it as a lifeline.
A lifeline to Hawaii.
To Gonzaga.
To friends that are too far away to hug.
But instead of calling or writing I just watch their lives happen, without me, and it either makes me jealous or sad. Neither of which are things I like. People take pictures of the ocean and I suddenly hate them. They get married, and I'm torn-up that I couldn't make it. They have babies and I want to kiss them and hold them and cry because they are so beautiful.
I have done so much watching of others peoples lives that I am removed from them. I am an outsider looking in. And if you are also a youngest... being on the outside is not something we deal with well.
So as Lent is about cleaving the things that poison our lives and drawing closer to Christ I am working on being THANKFUL this Lent. I'm working on GRATITUDE. and my ATTITUDE. I am excited for this adventure because I feel like I am being
set FREE.
It's like I get permission to live my own life without the window into others. If I want to see their lives... I'll have to walk through the door.
