We have gotten to be your parents for TWO years. I write to you and your sister on each of your birthdays, if you notice today's date it is about a month and a half since you turned two.This is life with you... I play a lot of catch-up but it's worth it.
See, you are a handful. In all the best ways. You are smarter than I may want you to be, you are ridiculously active, and you want to experience all of life. You may look just like your daddy but your heart is a mirror image of mine. You love everything completely and often tell us who it is you adore that day. This past week it has been our neighbor Joseph. We have heard 'I love Joseph' at least 300 times this week. You go full force until bedtime, which I must admit, I am grateful for at the end of each day.
This year has been a ride for mommy. Someday you will hear about all the reasons why but right now your sweet heart just needs to know one thing... without you and your sister this last year I don't think I would have survived. There were days you two were the only thing that got me out of bed and the only reason I felt like pushing on. I've learned a lot about being a grown-up this year. I've learned that life does not turn out like we hope it will. I've learned that no one is perfect. I've also learned that when your life hits rock bottom-- there you will find Jesus, true friends, and more strength than you knew existed inside of you. I want to guard you from every bad thing that could ever happen but I know I can't. What I do know is that you can survive anything, no matter how hard, because of what already lies inside of you. This year we got to know YOU. You became a person. A person with thoughts, curiosities, and lots and lots of opinions. You love to be outside. You love dirt, exploring, and hanging with the big kids. Where you sister was always sure to stay close to us when we were in public or outdoors YOU have no concern for such things. You are happy to run to the mailbox at the end of the street without concern for where we are. Sometimes we get funny looks from neighbors we don't know as we allow you a pretty long leash (not a real one, although we have considered it)... they just don't understand your wild heart. You eat dirt... lots of it. At one point this past year I found you in the backyard with your sister eating what I thought was dirt... it was dog poop. That didn't upset you, what made you really mad was that I forced you to come inside and wash your hands.
In October we went to Festy in Nelson County. We felt like you were finally old enough for a weekend of camping at a music festival. Saturday night as Brett Dennen played I thought you were with dad, dad thought you were with me, and you were actually making your way into the mob at the front of the concert stage. We found you (thank God!) but you, my boy, are exactly that experience. You walk straight into life. You are unafraid of what could be and only see the joy that is possible.
Oh... and you are funny. I know when you are old enough to read this it will be okay to tell you: your dad and I struggle daily to discipline you because most of the naughty stuff you do makes us laugh. So. Hard.
This year we have discovered you are VERY afraid of flying bugs. Except... Peter. The ladybug we named at dinner one night as it crawled on our dining room wall. We named it so we wouldn't have to get up and deal with it since you usually loose you mind around such small flying monsters. This year could just be called the year of Peter. You talk to any ladybug (all Peter) as if they are your best friend. You offer Peter parts of your dinner and sometimes just start crying because you can't find him. It's mostly adorable and sometimes obnoxious. It's your compassionate heart manifested in a relationship with a ladybug. 
Watching you become a person melts me. So much of who you are is because of your sister. Aubrey loves you more than I knew possible. She teaches you, plays with you, and parents you. She leads your daily yoga practices (you two are weird). The love you two share makes me wonder how we were whole without you. You two are like two sides to a coin. You need each other. You make each other better. Part of the hard this year was moving your Tutu here from Hawaii and dealing with the crappy disease that is stealing her from us. You and AG... you are the light in Tutu's life. You don't know what she has forgotten, you don't know what it used to be like, you just know you love her so so much and she loves you back. You and Tutu have created a beautiful bond. My heart breaks knowing that someday, and I don't know how soon that will be, she will not know you. You cry each time we drop her off at home (multiple times a week) and every-time we turn to go to school and not to get her you throw a fit. Thank you for reminding me how to love so fully. Thank you for making this part of her life so joyful.
Your daddy loves your Tutu lots, too. He has done a million things this last year to make her life here good. She hasn't always had the best experiences with men, you and your dad are a deep healing for her. Your dad is working really hard to teach you about being a man. He is learning a lot as he goes. This year has been big for your dad. He has transformed in ways I can't even explain. Much of that is because of you, my boy. See... when daddy looks at you he sees himself (we all do!) and he wants to give you the life he hasn't always had. He wants to honor your unique self in ways that don't force you to conform to this world. He wants you to dress like the princess when you want to, to play trucks in a tiara, and he wants you to FEEL. To use your words and express your emotions and we are working hard to hear them when you do that. You are daddy's redemption. The best parts of him shine though you and parts of your dad I didn't even know existed light up when he is with you and your sister. You will never know what he was like before, but this life has been hard. Dad had to overcome and be reborn. The world will push it's expectations on you like it has on your dad. You will also be a tall, white, burly man someday. At first sight people will most likely see you as macho, intimidating, and fear you. It will be your job to use the body that God has placed you in to speak up for those other people will assume you are against. The only things we hope you are against are injustice, cruelty, and a closed mind.
No pressure.
You are already living large in your third year on this planet. Today you got in some trouble for repeatedly kicking your sister and sent to time-out; you told me 'go to work, Mama' because you were just sick of my parenting you. Too bad, my man, you can't get rid of me. It is a lot of working parenting you. All of it is worth it. I pray daily that we can cultivate what is innate in you. When you feel something, it is expressed. If you want it, you go for it. If no pants, a princess helmet, and dinosaur shoes are what you want to wear... you rock it. You color on chairs and eat dirt and dance whenever you hear music. You make us a better family.
You are teaching me to live without fear and to love without limits.
We love you, silly boy, more than you will ever know. Thank you for saving me this year.
I'm so proud to be your mommy.
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