Jay has learned one of the worst things to say to me is
Don't worry about it
because that is impossible... and when he says it I give him the put.yourself.in.my.shoes.you.don't.clean.the.toilets.or.fold.the.laundry stare and he knows I will go all Crazy Emily and make a fight out of something that was meant to be sweet & comforting.
On my list of things to worry about today:
-Did we buy the right car? even thought I know God led us right to it.
-Is my mom happy/lonely/healthy/ok without us?
-Will Aubrey have a developmental problem?
-How will the dogs get to the kennel now that I own a car and not an SUV? please note: the next time they need to go to a kennel is in JUNE!
-Do the kids who I have to discipline a lot in our youth community know how much I love them like crazy? Do their parents hate me for laying down the law?
-My foot has been killing me about every two weeks... what happens if it is really messed up and I can never workout again (and thus my natural antidepressant is gone)? How will I ever loose the rest of the 50 pounds I have to go???!!!!
Some of these things are crazy to anyone else but just typing them brought me to tears. Which could be a whole nother issue since I do cry at least once a day. But I wonder what my day would look like without worry.
I might remember that:
-This morning I awoke to the sound of a husband that loves me getting ready to work hard to provide for our family
-My baby is healthy and happy today.
-I had breakfast with an awesome group of youth who are thoughtful, smart, witty, and inspiring.
-I get to work from home on Mondays and respond to emails, call families, and get the week set with my little girl playing on the floor beneath me
-I am having coffee with a kid who reminds me what the results of good parenting are and why I live across the world from my family.
So as much as I hate Jay for being right (and now it's published online this may become our new screen saver) I know that I need to not worry about it. As powerful as I'd like to believe I am... my worry will not change anything. My worry really does just take away today's peace.
